This is a real world. We all go through the real life, no matter it is tough or sweet, in most case, we have no alternative. We will see people come and leave ceaselessly. I never saw my maternal grandpa, he passed away before I was born. And my maternal grandma left me when I was only four years old, I clearly remembered lots of people crying as we saw her off. And My paternal grandfather died of cancer, when I was in primary school. And the sorriness is that I lost them before I understand about love, I cried but I did not truely comprehend the meaning of sorrow and tears. I thought up until I sent my older uncle off, I just tasted that the feeling of pain is so real. I cried for days, I really cannot understand why people who I loved could disappear suddenly in my life, so quietly, even without any warning. There should be a big encorougement for people to stand up from the sad days. In the days that followed, I cannot help thinking more about life, about what the life we are going through, what the attitude we have to face life to face people who we love in heart, not only our parents, lover,relates, but also our friends, our teachers, even neighbors or pets…we have to love and cherish everything we got from the heaven.
I tried my best to be candid and forthright to everyone or everything I met in life. To a respect teacher, to the lovely friends, to a successful or failed exam, to any achivement and frustration, the most important is, I have to keep be honest and frank to myself, to my life. The point is I do not want to leave any regrets in life.
But one real that I still cannot change, I found out that there is no way to stop people leave away from my life, not simply refers to people who passed away to another world, but people who still live in the same world with me, they are alive, but they just walk away from my life. To be my friend, and then not to be my friend anymore, or we just call each other “friend”, no meanings, but just “friend”.
During this sophisticated world, it is not easy to find a bosom friend, someone who sincerely can understand us in the deep heart; some one can sacrifice their own advantages in some key moments and protects us; some one who totally honest to us and never cheats us; some one who can tell us their own opinions without hesitations; some one who loves us and do care about us…the most important is we believe each other without any doubts.
However, I thought I lost her.
A girl I did trusted and loved, loved as my best friend, as a relatives. Maybe because I am the only one child in my family, maybe because of my stupied thoughts. I believed her so much, like the closest sister. I thought we were similar to some extend; I thought we have the common laguages, common interests, common jokes; I thought our friendship can be longer than we expected; I thought we can be best friend for good……Whereas, all the thoughts are what I thought, not we. Until some day, I found out scarely that I even do not know her, or just not what I thought her to be. I felt lost.
It was a worthless story. The only one thing I know is she cheated and betrayed me. No, as for her, it is not cheated, it was just to hide. But to me, it is not easy to forgive for the meanings of friendship, unless she have enough will to make up. Yes, She just has done something, which could stop the process of our friendship. She has done something which definitely would broke our friendship, she knew, she clearly knew this means at the first time, but she still did that, the premise is that in understand this issue would undermine of our friendship. The premise is that she knew, but she did.
In fact, until today, I am still hoping that she might give me an explanation, I hope that I heard this worthless story firsthand by her, not by others. If she cares our friendship, she will do that no matter for what reasons she is keeping silent but hint me many times, no matter what she gave the promise to others or the promise to herself. If she cares, she would say something. How much and How many times I am hoping so, but I am disappointed. Before I left the city we knew each other, she asked me whether I regret to recognize with her. I said “no”—the question I thought it thousand times , this is my true word. If not, I might not get what I get today. She tought me to grow up from a little girl. She tought me a lot. And the days we got alone with each other was happy.
Utill three mouths ago, I saw this poem below from a film, it shows what I want to say, and I cried loudly in my little house. I found that I indeed lost her in my life. What I lost is not only a friend, but a kind of trust. What I lost is some happy time with her. What I lost is just myself—a usual mind and a stream direct review heart. I was so heartbreak over her hiding something from me is just because I use my own expectation to judge her, it’s unfair. She, as anyone else, come into my life for a while, and then just walk away to her own life. I will not waiting for her explanation any more, cause I know there is no explaination. No need to explain to me. She means something to me, but I can be any one in her heart. If there’s a chance, I want to send this poem to her, or to anyone who lost best friends in own heart.
I want to tell her: I loved you, and wish you good luck. You lived in my heart, and I wish to send you free. I wish I can. I need time.
Plz, cherish the people who you truely loved.